George Carlin IRC TRIVIA

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George Carlin IRC TRIVIA

Postby Vlad » Fri Jun 09, 2006 3:59 am

[03:39] <TinselTown> 145214.14 Algebra: Define the value of X: -10x - 19 = 19 - 8x?
[03:39] <TinselTown> 14Here's a hint,14 -__
[03:40] <BeverlyHills> huh..WTF..
[03:40] <BeverlyHills> 19
[03:40] <TinselTown> 14Time's up! The answer was:14 -19
[03:40] <BeverlyHills> Geee whiz....
[03:42] <BeverlyHills> Define the value of this: Korea + Vietnam + Gulf WARS = - THOUSANDS of US PRIME YOUNG MALES DEAD
Of course, in order for X to equal LESS competitive males, we should send them to wars, so that WAR = LESS SPERM and therefore, through PURE LOGIC, as a deduction, LESS SPERM = LESS population, and more for us LIVING KOSHER and happy with our lives, while other idiots cannot reproduce, because we have already have the riches of the world in our hands, and WE DO NOT NEED COMPETITION.

As George Carlin once said: "What? They have bigger dicks? BOMB THEM !! "

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To sum it all up..

Postby webmaster » Fri Sep 14, 2007 2:11 am


"They always give the first lady ridiculous jobs. Barbara Bush was told to help the children read. Betty Ford they told her to drink. They said drink and we’ll name a building after you. But with Barbara it was literacy. The government wanted Barbara Bush to teach the American children how to read, because she did such a great job with George."

"When you're born in this world, you're given a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America you're given a front row seat."

"I think I figured out why Americans are so stupid. Think about how stupid the Average American is. Well, HALF of 'em are stupider than THAT!"

"They're superstitious, they have these beliefs, these primitive, you know, people believe in a... I mean they're just really kind of credulous, and gullible. People believe in, for instance, hell and angels, okay, these are very primitive, very, very backward to me, backward sounding beliefs, these are child-like, and that's the key, because they get you when you're a kid, they get you when you're little, and they tell you there's a God, and if you can make people believe, I believe this, if you can make someone believe that there's an invisible man, living in the sky, who's watching everything you do, and keeping count of everything you do, which is good and which is bad, then you can make that person believe anything after that, you can add anything you want, the 4th of July dung just rolls right in, land of the free, home of the brave, the press is fair and impartial, justice is blind, all men are created equal, your vote is important, the United States government is on your side, the army is here to keep the peace, the police are on your side...Oh, and freedom of choice, this is the big one, the illusion of choice, we're led to feel free by the exercise of meaningless choices. There are, for instance, important things — not too many choices, unimportant things-ice cream flavors, what do you want, we've got 31, the flavor of the week, the flavor of the month, but political parties-we're down to two, jeez. Sources of information, media companies down to five, banks, insurance companies, pharmaceuticals, chemical companies, oil companies-used to be seven, down to three, pretty soon it's gonna be two. But if you’re lookin' for a bagel or a fuckin' donut, hey, what do you want-pineapple supreme, hazelnut; we've got everything you want. Cereals, I counted, personally in the store counted 192 different cereal choices, 192. 140 different cat foods, I counted, and that includes a tartar-control cat food for senior citizen cats, okay?"

"I've begun worshiping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the sun. It's there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, a lovely day. There's no mystery, no one asks for money, I don't have to dress up, and there's no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to "God" are all answered at about the same 50-percent rate."

"This is a group of social criminals, these people in the space program. NAS(A)holes, I call them. In case you haven't heard, the latest disaster for the rest of the universe is that the United States is gonna go to Mars. Okay? Ah, yeah. We're gonna go to Mars. And then of course we're gonna colonize deep space. With our microwave hot dogs and plastic vomit, fake dog dung and cinnamon dental floss, lemon-scented toilet paper and sneakers with lights in the heels. And all these other impressive things we've done down here. But let me ask you this: what are we gonna tell the intergalactic council of ministers the first time one of our teenage mothers throws their newborn baby into a dumpster? How are we gonna explain that to the space people? How are we gonna let them know that our ambassador was only late for the meeting because his breakfast was cold and he had to spend half an hour punching his wife around the kitchen? And what are they gonna think when they find out, its just a local custom, that over 80 million women in the Third world have had their clitorises forcibly removed in order to reduce their sexual pleasure so they won't cheat on their husbands? Can't you just sense how eager the rest of the universe is for us to show up?"

"Things that you want to change in the world have to start inside yourself. You can't just acquiesce. You can't be at the mall, with a fannypack on, scratching your nuts, buying sneakers with lights in them. You have to be thinking. You have to be resisting. You have to be talking."

– George Carlin, interview in Conversations on The Edge of The Apocalypse by David Jay Brown
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